Baby Wilder: A Child with No Name
by welcometomymind99
Summary: The arrival of Laura and Almanzo's baby boy in Season 9 was very abrupt-in fact, we never saw the pregnancy or heard Laura or Almanzo's thoughts on having another baby, etc. So this story is about Laura's pregnancy with her baby boy and the family's thoughts on the events surrounding it.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is set before A Child with No Name from Season 9. Jenny isn't in the story because I couldn't find a way to use her character well in this story.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and all rights go to NBC and Laura Ingalls Wilder. :)

**Baby Wilder**

**Chapter One**

Laura woke up one morning with a pounding headache and a queasy stomach. She knew that she had to teach school today, but she felt so sickly that all she wanted to do was lie in bed and rest.

Her hand roamed the space beside her on the bed, searching for Almanzo's hand to hold. All she felt were the rumpled, cool sheets.

Suddenly Almanzo walked in the room, his suspenders hanging from his pants. He was drinking a glass of milk and he walked over to her. "Beth," He said, giving her a kiss on the forehead, "You'd better get up or you're going to be late for work."

"Mmm, what time it it?" Laura asked. "Almost seven thirty I think." Laura sat up abruptly. Seven thirty! Why, she only had a half hour to get ready and do all the chores around the house that needed to get done before going to school!

As soon as she sat up, she knew it was a mistake. "Ohh…" She groaned. Hopping out of bed, she knew that if she didn't get to the outhouse fast she would lose last nights' supper all over the clean bedsheets.

When she came back into the house, Almanzo was standing by the stove, holding Rose with one arm and stirring a pot on the stove with the other hand. "Are you alright?" He asked worriedly.

"I must have picked up a stomach virus from somewhere." Laura said, trying to smile so as to ease his concern. "You'd better stay home from school today." He said. He placed Rose in her highchair and walked over to his wife of two and a half years, placing a hand on the small of her back.

"I guess." She sighed. "Could you drive into town and see if Mrs. Oleson can teach please?" Normally, Laura would have asked her mother to teach. Caroline had a natural way with children and was a kind teacher. However, she was working in the restaurant now.

"Sure. I'll take Rose with me so you can get some rest. Are you sure you're alright?" Laura slid into bed and closed her eyes, trying to quell the uneasiness in her stomach.

She nodded. "I'll be fine. Thanks, Manly."

The sickness lasted for more than a day, however, and two days later, when Laura was still feeling sick to her stomach, Almanzo slid into bed next to her.

It was nighttime and the crickets were chirping loudly outside. She smiled weakly up at him. "I'm sorry I haven't been much help lately," She said. "I know it's been hard to juggle the farmwork, Rose, and the cooking."

"It's fine, darlin'. I just want you to get better." He tucked a strand of hair that was falling into Laura's face behind her ear. A look of concern on his face, he said, "You've been feeling sick for three days now. Don't you think you should go see Doctor Baker?"

Laura sighed. She didn't want to spend the extra money to see the doctor, as money had been a little tight lately. They had just had to pay for a new plow and seeds and all. But she knew it was the best thing to do-she needed to get back to teaching. "I'll go see him first thing tomorrow." They kissed briefly before falling asleep.

Dr. Baker closed the curtain behind young Laura Wilder as she dressed herself. Smiling to himself, he put away his stethoscope and pondered momentarily how he was going to tell her the news.

He had the joy of breaking this sort of news to women and couples since his humble career began years ago, but it was always an exciting and happy thing for him. He couldn't think of a more rewarding aspect of his job.

Laura came briskly out of the examining room, smoothing down her shirtwaist. "Well, Doctor?" She asked. "Is it a virus? Did I eat something that disagreed with me?"

Dr. Baker leaned against his desk, smiling. "None of those things." He said. "Well what is it then?" Laura's voice gave away her confusion. "I need to get back to work and tending to Rose."

"You will be able to-soon, I hope. As soon as the morning sickness passes, which should be in a few weeks…" Laura was staring at Doctor Baker, shock upon her face.

"…Morning sickness?" She asked. "I'm pregnant?!" Doctor Baker smiled broadly, nodding. "Congratulations, Laura. Your baby should arrive in, ah, I'd say about seven months."

Laura smiled, still not completely believing it was so. Happily she pulled her bonnet on. "Oh, thank you Doctor Baker!" She exclaimed. "Thank you so much!"

Please review and tell me what you thought!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Laura went home, stopping the wagon and looking across their land. She saw the tiny form of Almanzo plowing the fields in the far distance. Smiling, she went inside.

She was still feeling queasy but now that she knew why, it would be easier to deal with. She got a glass of water and drank it slowly after making sure Rose was sleeping comfortably in her bed.

Rose was only a year old, so when the baby was born she wouldn't be quite two years old. Just about the age gap between Laura and Mary.

Laura smiled. Even though she and Mary were two very different people and they argued as kids, they had always been friends. Always been there for each other. She hoped Rose and the child growing inside of her would be the same way.

Almanzo came in that night, sweaty and tired. Laura was standing at the stove making dinner. Every so often she had to sit down and rest: the smell got to her.

"Hey, Beth," He said, leaning in to kiss her as he washed his hands in the wash basin. "How did it go this morning at the doc's?"

"Oh, it went fine." Laura said. She hid her smile by turning around quickly. Almanzo sat down at the kitchen table and pulled off his shoes with a grunt.

"Well?" He asked. "What did he say?" Laura turned around silently, her face solemn. Almanzo's face fell. "Laura, what is it?" He asked, his voice serious.

She continued to stand there silently, and Almanzo walked over to her, grasping her by her shoulders. "Is it bad?" His face was so worried that Laura felt bad for not telling him straightaway.

Her smile wide, she said, "It's not bad. It's wonderful...I think." He looked at her, puzzled. "Manly, Rose is going to have a little brother or sister." He stood there like he was frozen for a second.

"Almanzo?" Laura asked, growing a little worried herself. Maybe he wasn't happy..."You're having a baby?" He asked, a smile beginning to form at the corners of his mouth. When Laura nodded, he grabbed her in a hug and began kissing the top of her head.

No, he's happy. Laura thought. He pulled back from her to look at her face. "Really?" He asked, almost breathless from surprise.

She nodded again, her face glowing. "What do you think?" She asked. "I think...I think that's terrific! Oh, I love you." Laura smiled against his shoulder as he embraced her.

She didn't know how one man and her little family could make her so blissfully happy, but they did.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Now that Laura knew that nothing was *really* wrong with her, she went back to teaching. Sometimes she felt a little green during her morning lessons, but managed to ease her stomach. Ginger ale was her best friend during those early days of morning sickness.

During the schoolday, Rose stayed with an elderly lady in town who just loved children and took good care of her while Laura and Almanzo worked.

One day after a particularly long week, Almanzo said to Laura, "Why don't we go into Springfield? We haven't been out of Walnut Grove in a while and I heard they were having a fair this weekend."

"Oh, that sounds fun." Laura said. "But I'm so tired...it was a hard week at school." Laura was about four months along now.

"All the more reason to go." Almanzo said. "You won't have any dirty dishes to wash or clothes to clean Saturday. Just me and you." Almanzo pulled Laura into his arms and she felt how strong he was as he pressed her against him.

"And Rose." Laura reminded him, grinning. "Of course, Rosie-Posie." Almanzo scooped Rose up and held her high up in the air, spinning her around playfully. Rose giggled her sweet little girl giggle, and Laura smiled as her heart swelled. She loved them both so much.

"So," he said, "Do you wanna go?" "Oh, alright." Laura said, laughing. "Let me just go pack my bag and a bag for Rose."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Almanzo paid for the hotel room for the night-a rare luxury for the little family. "We're going to have a good crop this year; I can feel it." Almanzo said as he noticed the concerned expression on his wife's face as he slipped his wallet back into his pocket.

They headed to their room. It wasn't anything too fancy-just a normal hotel room. But Laura felt grateful for the warm bed as she climbed underneath the sheets.

Almanzo put Rose to bed in her crib which they had stored in the wagon and brought along with them. He slid into bed next to Laura, letting out a deep breath.

"Beth," He whispered. In the dark they could see nothing but the faint outline of each other. "Yes?" She whispered back, careful not to wake Rose.

"You don't think spending that money on the room was too much of an extravagance, do you?" He asked. Laura hesitated. "No." She said after a moment. "I mean, we had to have a room if we were going to come here."

"Do you think it was a dumb idea to come here? I just...I just wanted us to have a little time to relax and have fun." Their voices were hushed, but the city noises weren't. Hoofbeats and loud talking could be heard; there was faint saloon music in the distance.

Laura rolled over on her side, her growing stomach creating a slight barrier between she and her husband. "No, I don't think it was dumb. Manly, I wouldn't have agreed to it if I thought it was dumb."

Laura couldn't see his face, but she knew Almanzo was smiling. His hand roamed across the bed and settled on her stomach. Laura smiled. "Our baby is in there." She whispered, inching closer to him.

"I know. We did such a good job, didn't we?" He asked mischievously. "Almanzo Wilder!" Laura said, feeling a blush creeping up her cheekbones.

She was just glad no one had been around to hear him talking like that. Imagine what people would think! Almanzo chuckled and pulled Laura into his arms. "What will we name the baby?" He asked, his breath close to her ear.

After a moment's deliberation, Laura said, "I don't know. I haven't thought too much about it yet. Have you?"

"Well...I thought it would be nice to name him after my Pa if the baby is a boy." He said.

"James Wilder," Laura whispered. "That sounds nice." She paused. "But I was thinking...it would make my Ma so happy if we named the baby after her Pa, my grandfather, if he was a boy."

Almanzo was quiet for a while. "We'll see when the time comes. Both of those names would be nice. What about girl names?"

Laura yawned. "I'm not sure, but I'm so tired. We still have five months left to think about names."

"You're right." Almanzo leaned over and kissed his wife. "Goodnight, Beth."

"Goodnight."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

Almanzo held the reins deftly in his hands as the horses trotted. They had gone to the fair and visited some old friends, and now they were heading home.

"Well Beth, what did you think of the weekend?" He asked. "It was good," She said. "Didn't you think it was odd how everyone was wearing doctor's masks in Springfield?"

"Someone said there was an epidemic going around. Some sort of sickness. It's contagious, I suppose."

Laura sighed. "I sure hope we don't get it." She said.

"Me too. I've still got to plant that last few acres before it's too late to plant anything."

Laura squeezed his hand. "I'm sure you'll get it done."


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for reading and reviewing. :) I'm having a lot of fun writing this story.

**Chapter Three**

Laura sat in her rocking chair, mending one of Almanzo's shirts. She was due to have the baby anytime.

It was the beginning of August, and there was quite a heat wave this summer. Laura wiped a bit of perspiration from her brow and let out a deep breath. She wondered if it would ever cool down. It didn't help that she felt big and clumsy and like she was carrying a sack of potatoes around with her wherever she went.

However, she was so excited to have this baby. She couldn't wait for him or her to arrive. There was one thing that was still bothering her-Almanzo and she hadn't settled on a name yet.

They went back and forth, settling on a name and then deciding that another one would probably be better. Laura was almost due and they hadn't picked out a name. She wasn't terribly worried, because they still had time.

She'd also heard stories of people who just could not seem to agree on a name for their baby, and then once they saw their baby's face, it came to them instantly. Like a perfect match. So maybe she and Almanzo would settle on a name after the baby was born.

Laura looked up when Almanzo walked in the door. "Hey, Manly," She said, getting up to pour him a glass of lemonade.

He looked tired as he sat down in his armchair. "Thanks, Beth," He murmured when Laura handed him the glass.

"How did your day go?" Laura asked. He was silent for a few moments as he took a long sip of the lemonade.

"Not so great," He admitted.

"Why? What happened?" Laura looked over to see Rose, who was nearing two and getting into everything, trying to grab the pitcher of lemonade. Laura quickly caught it before it fell to the ground and hoisted Rose up on her hip.

"I went out to look at the crops," He began. "They're just wilting out there. Dying. It's way too hot and dry. We haven't had a drop of rain in weeks."

Laura slowly sat down in the chair next to him. "Can't...can't we do something about it?" She asked.

He shook his head. "How are we going to get enough water to a hundred acres to keep the crops alive?"

Laura thought about it. "We could haul water out there in buckets from the well."

Almanzo sighed. "I've already tried that," He said. "That's what I was doing all day. It's just not possible, Beth. It would take us forever and it still wouldn't be enough."

He took off his sweat-soaked hat and slapped it against his knee in exasperation. "I just don't know what to do anymore. We can't afford to lose this crop."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Hi, Ma," Laura walked in Oleson's Mercantile, holding a list of what they needed in one hand and Rose's small hand in the other.

"Oh, hi, Laura," Caroline said, leaning in to give her daughter a hug. "Shouldn't you be at home resting?" There was worry in her kind eyes.

"I'm fine, Ma. We just needed some groceries."

Caroline waited for her daughter to get her goods and pay for them on the porch of the mercantile. As Laura walked out, Caroline extended an arm, offering to carry the big bag.

"Thank you." Laura handed it to her and they began walking down the street.

"So," Caroline asked, "How have you been?"

"Okay, I guess. Almanzo's really worried about the crops." Laura admitted.

"Oh, so is Charles. We're having such a dry spell."

"Yes, but you have Pa's wages at the mill to fall back on. And you work at the restaurant. We have no other source of income."

"Don't worry, Laura." Caroline rubbed her daughter's back with one hand. "I'm sure it'll all work out. Everyone has a bad crop once in a while."

"Oh, I know, Ma." Laura squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. "I just...I just don't want us to be broke and in debt with two children."

Laura felt silly admitting her fears to her mother, who had always been strong. She had been strong during the many moves, crop failures, storms, and everything else they went through during Laura's childhood.

"Oh, Laura," Caroline stopped walking abruptly so that she could look Laura in the eyes.

"You don't need to be stressed over this with a baby on the way. I'm sure it'll all work out. Besides, if you ever need any help, you know your father and I will do anything we can."

Laura managed a small smile. "I know. Thanks, Ma. I guess I shouldn't be worried."

"Good girl."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Laura had been having sharp pains all day. She didn't think they were contractions, as they came randomly and far apart. She just ached all over and wanted to sit down and rest, but the laundry needed to be washed.

She had the big wash tub sitting outside filled with clothes, and she was scrubbing them with soap on the washboard and hanging them up to dry in the hot sun.

Rose was toddling about, playing with her rag doll nearby. She reached up and pulled on the dangling sleeve of one of Laura's shirtwaists until it came loose from the wooden clips holding it onto the clothesline.

It fell on the ground and Laura stood up, slightly annoyed as this was the third time Rose had done that today.

"No no, Rose." Laura bent over and picked the shirt back up, about to put it back in its place.

Suddenly she felt an unmistakeable pain in her stomach and back. "Oh...oh..." Gasping, she leaned against the side of the house and tried to take in a few deep breaths.

"Mama?" Rose asked, staring up at Laura, puzzled.

Laura waited until the pain had subsided. "Alright, Rose, let's go get your papa." She took Rose's hand and they started walking quickly out to the fields to find Almanzo.

Laura was in the middle of another contraction when they found him. "Manly!" Laura yelled from across the field, "Almanzo!"

He looked up, and hearing the tone in Laura's voice, ran over to her.

"Beth, what is it?!" He asked, grasping her by her shoulders as she willed herself to keep her voice level.

"It's time." She managed to say.

"Time?" He looked at her. She nodded, the pain evident on her face. Almanzo ran back to the horses and drove the wagon up to them.

He helped Laura into the front seat and swung Rose up into the back.

The horses galloped back to the house and Almanzo made sure Laura was safely in bed before driving off to get Doctor Baker and Caroline.

Soon they were back. Charles had come along with Caroline, and he and Almanzo were sitting in the front room.

Almanzo stood up when he heard Laura crying out in pain. He remembered it had been a similar situation with Rose's birth, but this seemed to last longer.

Charles grasped the younger man's arm and gave him a look of reassurance. "It's alright, son." He said. "There's nothing you can do to help her right now."

Soon Doctor Baker walked out of the bedroom door, holding a small bundle wrapped in a clean blanket. His hair was falling down in his face and he looked worn out.

Almanzo stood up quickly. "Almanzo, meet your new son."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

They were all gathered next to Laura's bedside. Her face was pale and she looked like all she wanted to do was sleep, but she smiled weakly up at Almanzo as he laid the baby down next to her.

"Hey," He said softly, smoothing back a strand of her hair. "We have a son." His smile was wide.

"I know." Laura caressed the little bundle.

"He sure gave your wife a heck of a time," Doctor Baker said, clapping Almanzo on the back. "He's a strong boy."

Everyone but Almanzo left the room to give the couple their privacy.

"I love you," Almanzo said, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you too," Laura whispered. Her eyes closed and she drifted to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

So I was thinking about how I would start this chapter and I realized that I thought how the show portrayed Laura and Almanzo's grief in A Child with No Name was well-written and acted well. So this chapter picks up at the end of A Child with No Name. :)

Chapter Four

Twelve days. Twelve days was all they had with him; all she had with him.

His little casket had been lowered into the ground, slowly, painfully. Laura had looked on, tears streaming down her face. She had hardly been able to see as Reverend Alden said the words that were supposed to honor him; supposed to soothe her aching heart.

They did none of that. She was angry; bitter even. She directed her anger towards Doctor Baker. He had said the baby was fine! He had said he was a strong boy! She had thought it was his fault that her baby had died.

Laura had been terrible to him, she saw that now. She saw how her words, that rolled off her tongue in grief, hurt him. She saw how people in the town of Walnut Grove turned against him. They stopped seeing him. They no longer took their children to him.

When Rose got sick, Almanzo had ignored Laura's protests and gotten the doctor. He had stayed up night and day with Rose, and soon she healed. Laura realized the error of her ways and apologized.

Laura sat in her rocking chair by the fire now, remembering how she had caught Doctor Baker right before he was about to leave town. She had said she was sorry and that she and Almanzo were thinking of having another baby.

She remembered the surprised look Almanzo had given her when she said that. They had never discussed it. In fact, Laura didn't want to discuss it. At least not anytime soon. She just said it to make her seem happier than she was; to smooth things over.

The truth was that she wasn't thinking of having another baby anytime soon. The fresh pain of having just lost her baby boy still stung.

Laura stood up, wrapping her shawl around her shoulders and putting out the fire. Ma had kindly taken Rose to the restaurant today. She had been so nice, offering to cook and take care of Rose.

Laura had rarely taken her up on it, but today she had. She needed a little time to think without a 2 year old grasping at her skirts.

Putting on her bonnet, she walked outside. Almanzo wasn't here, and he had taken the team. Laura figured that he had probably gone to talk to the people at the bank.

The crop had mostly been a failure. The rain had never come and the crops just shriveled up in the hot Minnesota sun. To add to their troubles, they had debts that still needed to be paid.

Laura decided to just walk there. She hadn't been since the day of the funeral. She thought it would just be too hard for her, but now, as she sat down by her baby's grave, she felt a tiny bit more peaceful than she had.

The soft dirt feel cool underneath her. She stretched her hand out and ran her fingers over the words etched into the crudely carved wooden cross.

The cross read, "Baby Boy Wilder. Born August 1, 1889. Died August 12, 1889. May he rest in peace."

Her biggest regret was that they hadn't given him a name. Oh, the nights she and Almanzo had laid awaken, deliberating names! Even after the baby was born, they thought they had plenty of time.

Now this happened, and their child had passed away without a name. Laura wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye.

She felt a strong hand on her shoulder, and she knew it was Almanzo without turning to look. His touch was familiar as he sat down next to her silently.

They sat for at least five minutes without either of them saying a word. Almanzo broke the silence by saying, "It's a nice little cross, isn't it?"

Laura wanted to cry. Her pa had made the cross, which did make it special. But it was carved hastily for the funeral. Laura would have loved to have had a grand tombstone for their baby. They couldn't afford it, however, so the cross would have to do.

She choked down a sob. "Oh, Manly," She said, her voice wavering. That was what she loved about him: he seemed to know almost instinctively what she needed. He put his arm around her comfortingly and let her put her head on his shoulder.

He smelled of soap and leather, and she shut her eyes tight. It still hurt, so much. She didn't know if it would ever stop hurting.

Voicing her thoughts, she whispered, "Will it ever stop hurting?"

Almanzo took a deep breath. "I imagine it won't ever completely stop," He said. His voice was low and quiet to match her whisper. "But I think the pain will just become a dull ache after a while, you know?"

"I don't think I want it to become a dull ache," Laura said. "That means I'll be slowly forgetting about him. I don't want to forget about him...I can't."

Laura felt Almanzo's breathing become labored and she looked up to see tears in his eyes. "Manly? We won't forget about him, will we?"

He kissed her forehead. "No, Laura." He only called her by her first name when he was being serious. "We won't. Even if the pain becomes an ache in our hearts, we won't forget."

They stood up together and walked back to the house.

I'm trying to decide if this needs another chapter or whether it should end here...


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry it took me a while to update! Here's the next chapter. :)

Chapter Five

Laura headed home from teaching school, a stack of textbooks and papers to grade in her arms. A few weeks after the baby's death, she had gone back to teaching.

Something about the bright, inquisitive looks on the students' faces and being able to put her energy towards teaching them cheered her up. She was grateful for the job and the distraction.

Rose was getting older. She was still two years old and doing things that are characteristic of two year olds-she was mischievous and got into everything. But Laura loved her fiercely and having Rose to love and take care of took a bit of the sting out of her heart.

As Laura walked past Oleson's Mercantile, she saw Mrs. Oleson prancing down the front steps, the corner of her dress held up in her hand. Sighing, Laura smiled at her dimly as Mrs. Oleson called out her name. She wasn't really in the mood to talk to the town gossip today.

"Oh, hello, Laura!" Mrs. Oleson said loudly.

"Hi, Mrs. Oleson. How are you?"

They had stopped in front of the mercantile so they could chat.

"Ah well, my back is aching and Nels refuses to get me any medicine but..." Mrs. Oleson's demeanor seemed to change and her eyes narrowed. She looked up and down at Laura and said, "But I ought to be asking you that question. Are you alright?"

If anyone else had asked that question, Laura would have thought they were kind and thoughtful. However, the way Mrs. Oleson said it and her reputation told Laura that she was just being nosy.

"I'm doing fine, Mrs. Oleson. What makes you think that I'm not?"

The middle-aged woman stopped and motioned to Laura with a wave of her ringed hand, as if Laura should know what she was talking about.

"Oh, well, when I see a record of someone not paying their bills...for *so long*...I am apt to think that they are sick or something. And with your loss recently, well..."

Laura cut her off as nicely as she possibly could. "We're having a bit of a rough time financially, Mrs. Oleson. We'll pay the bill as soon as possible."

Mrs. Oleson sighed dramatically and a wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows.

"Oh, I will never understand you country folk! Never paying your bills on time; always in debt!"

Laura felt her temper rising but also knew, deep down, that Mrs. Oleson was right. They should have paid their bill by now. They just didn't have the money for it.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience, Mrs. Oleson. Have a nice day."

Laura walked off, leaving Mrs. Oleson huffing and puffing on the stoop.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Laura walked in the front door and briskly took off her bonnet. She laid her stack of books on the table and went to start preparing supper after making sure that Rose, whom she had picked up on the way home, was playing quietly.

Almanzo walked in the door. "Hi," Laura said. "How was your day?"

He sighed. "Alright, I guess. I'm going to have to sell the cow if things get any worse."

"Oh, not the cow!" Laura exclaimed. "What about milk and butter?"

He shrugged, but it was evident from his expression that he didn't want to sell the cow either.

"I don't know what else to do, Beth." He said.

They ate a small dinner of rabbit stew and cornbread and climbed into bed.

Laura lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling. She wondered how long Mrs.

Oleson would hold off before she began constantly pestering her about the bill and telling the whole town about the debt the Wilder's owed.

She then thought about the cow. It made that ache return a little stronger to her heart when she pondered the fact that if her little boy had been with them now, they wouldn't have even been considering selling the cow. They would have needed the milk to nourish the strong, growing baby.

Instead there was a tiny grave in the graveyard nearby with a little wooden cross above it. And they were selling the cow.

She then turned her line of vision to the form of Almanzo lying next to her. His rhythmic breathing told her that he was sound asleep.

Poor Almanzo. He worked so hard for that crop, and now look what happened to it. It had been his hope and dream.

Laura traced a little curving line down his back that was turned toward her, feeling the rough fabric of his nightshirt against her finger.

She felt his muscles underneath the shirt that were well-developed from years of farm work.

She then ran her hand up and felt the soft curls of his hair. A little pang of something-was it sadness, maybe-reverberated throughout her body.

After the baby's death, she had been almost scared to let Almanzo near her. They had hardly kissed since that fateful August day.

Now it was November and her husband felt farther away mentally and physically than ever. She didn't know what he was thinking-he never told her anymore.

She could tell he was still grieving over the death of her son and she was, too. But he never mentioned him. All he ever talked about was the crops and how they were going to stay afloat.

Since that day at the baby's grave, they hardly ever talked anymore. Each was grieving by themselves.

Also Almanzo was really worried about the debt and Laura also had a feeling that he felt that he was a failure to her. He had so much as said so the other day, "Beth, if I can't keep a crop alive, what kind of husband and provider am I?"

Laura had reassured him, of course, but she wasn't sure if he believed her. And then of course there was the matter of them never getting physically close to each other anymore.

Laura longed to feel his lips on hers-it had been so long and it was so difficult not to kiss him when he was lying right next to her in bed-but she was so scared. Scared and hurting.

She knew he was hurting as well-she had seen it in his eyes when she avoided a kiss or went in for a hug instead. But she couldn't help it. She didn't think she could bear it if she had another baby and lost he/she as well.

Wiping a tear away, Laura settled into bed and fell into a turbulent, nightmare-filled sleep.


End file.
